I
think I should re-title this piece more questions than answers, why I should be
surprised by thinking that, I don't know. I was
never going to find the Holy Grail or reach Nirvana with this project,
but at times it felt like I should. I have been so absorbed with the
whole process, that it assumed maybe rather pretentious proportions in
my mind.
I do feel that I have learnt a lot, but really it has pointed out to
me a whole load of things which I knew already. I had hoped that each
week's work would spring from nowhere (otherwise known as my
fertile artistic imagination) in a completely spontaneous fashion. In
reality I was simply reminded of the big fact is that
there is no real spontaneity in art. I don't think I have ever played with a truly spontaneous musician; I
don't think it is possible, unless we all refuse to ever learn anything
before we perform. Jackson Pollock's action paintings are not
spontaneous, in my humble opinion they are just another method. Having
said that I always try to be spontaneous, of course by trying to be, I
am by
definition not succeeding. As I say in the music of week 50, "don't think spontaneously, just be spontaneous".
All of this is why I latched onto Dada during the last few weeks,
strange really because I actively dislike a lot of Dada. Which of
course fits in perfectly.
I had too many preconceptions before the project started and that has
definitely inhibited me. Also the exhibition has caused inhibitions and
in a way undermined the project because I started thinking about how my
work would look in the exhibition space, rather than let it find its
own way. Also I couldn't help thinking how I could make the most of the exhibition as an
opportunity, rather than as a way to show a pure project. In another way
of
course, the offer of the exhibition validated the project for me, so as
always pluses and minuses.
Please don't get the idea that I am full of regret and doubt, because
I feel the opposite, the whole experience has been hugely positive for me in countless ways.
The project (as It will always be to me, even when I am engaged on other
projects) has as they say, been an amazing ride. Sometimes I was in
control, overseeing, confident. Other times I was hanging on, trying not
to get swept away and drowned. Sometimes I didn't even seem to be
involved!
more
thoughts soon .................... hopefully some less esoteric
..................
You are listening to the
music from week
23
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